Battle

Battle

There is a battle before me ->
One which my eyes are
blind to
One which ails my whole
emotional self
One which hides until I am
completely secluded.

Though unseen and unheard,
this battle is dangerous ->
worse than a punch
worse than a kick
worse than a slap in the face.

I am against myself...
no sides to take
no walking away!
It is a battle of my soul
that turns turns out no victorious winner.

July 29, 1994

What is life?

What is life?

What is life? -
A question that can
be eternally asked
The definition may range and vary,
but who is right?
Some feel life is a beautiful
sping day while
others see the darkest
winter day imaginable.
Who is right?
What is true?
My meaning is indifferent,
not an extreme but a mix of
both worlds as I see a
beautiful dark day is what makes
my sould feel at ease.

August 7, 1994

Liar

Liar

You fucking lie to me
all the time and I 
hate it! I don't 
understand how one 
person can be so 
deceitful and hurt 
someone as many 
times as you have
done to me. I thought
I could
TRUST YOU 
and you fucked me over!

August 1, 1994

Missing You

Missing You

At night when I dream
I dream of you
And all those wonderful things
we could do

I wish you were here
I'd hold you so close
That is the thing
I really want most

It's hard with you there
I just get so blue
That could be one way 
I know I care about you

February 1, 1997

Why?

Why?

The rain softly falls
as I question your god- 

Why must I be here?
What have I done to deserve this?

December 29, 1999

Reaching for you

Reaching for you

The hurt I see
when I look in your eyes
makes my heart cry

I reach out to your soul
but the nothingness traps me
blindly leaving me behind
as you wander this world in sorrow.

March 21, 1992

Happiness is a word
that has no meaning 
in my empty soul.
I enter the dark alleys
of my emotions hoping 
to grasp a ray of light
that will pull me 
out of depression. 
My search intensifies 
as the demons devour my soul. 
Will I ever find myself again?

April 9, 1992

motivation? nothing can 
deliver me to the point
where I am
where I should be.
a point that is serene, 
where life is as it should. 
Insanity gnaws on my soul 
while I tend to my ongoing
search for perfection.

January 14, 1998

I feel age in my bones-
Every muscle; every flex-
The idea of old is reality.
My looks are deceiving-
I am not a raisin-
but the feeling of the
grape shriveling in my inner depth
every hour takes away more of my life
and sends me to insanity.

July 29, 1994

Despair

Despair commonly hits me
as a fighter to an opponent
Helpless am I against
such a powerful state
Occasionally, I ponder on
the simple thought of
ease in breathing->
the naturalness, the unconscious
effort that is put into
every single gulp of air
taken into my lungs <-
and feel as though I am not
worthy to live. I sit and sulk
until I am near the point of madness

July 29, 1994

Introduction to ME!!

Introduction to ME!!

Who am I?


I am a 30 year old female who is from South Louisiana. I have had an OK life, growing up with both of my parents there and one sister who is 5 years younger (yes, she is 25). On this blog site, I will go by the pen name Deliya Rayne. I always said if I had a child that I would name her that and since children don't seem to be in my future, I want to use that.


By profession I am a teacher and have been for 9 years. I love teaching and can't dream of doing anything else with my life now. I would like to go back to school for a phD in microbiology, but it really would be just for me and not worth the money I would have to put forth for it. It can be tought at times, but I love my job! (How many people do you ever hear say that?)


I am not married, but have been with the same person for 7 years. He and I have out moments, but overall we have a great relationship! He is my best friend as well as my soulmate!


Why am I here?


I am not here to be a professional writer, nor am I here because I think I am great or wonderful at it either. I am here because I want the opportunity to share a part of me...an opportunity to try and regain the person I once was. I am here for the motivation to live life to the fullest again, maybe leaving a little of me behind or imprint a life. I used to write a lot when I was much younger (from about 13 through the time I went to college). It gave me an outlet to release any sadness, frustrations, or turmoil in my life that I was experiencing. Most of my poems are dark and seem desolate because I felt most like writing when I was down...some people drink and smoke, others fight...me I used to write.
I actually want to type in the poems I wrote long ago then begin some new works. I have tons in the attic, old notebooks, binders, and just scribbles here and there. I like free verse and occassionally rhyme. I am not the best speller, but I try. I would like feedback on some of your opinions, whether it be positive or negative. Please bare in mind that I was very young for much of the writing and when dates I wrote them are available, I will include it. The dates really dont show up until about 1993 to 1995 and last until some of the last ones I wrote were done.


Like I said, please leave me feedback, but be considerate. Don't just leave something rude and discourteous. I believe we all like to be treated fairly and with dignity. You can be negatively honest in a decent way. If you feel you cannot, please don't say anything and click away. Noone is forcing you to stay and read this!

Remaking my Blog

I had made a blog with my old poetry once before, in fact it was almost 7 years ago!  I cannot remember how to access it. It was used with an old email address I no longer have and a password I cannot remember. I am taking the stuff from the blog and reposting here....I will copy everything first then post other things I have!
...ENJOY!!